My Testimony

Most of my life, I have acknowledged that there is a God. I grew up in a small Lutheran church by the faithfulness of my parents. I attended every Sunday, joined the youth group, and served in local missions. From a quick glance, I looked every bit of a completely perfect Christian but my heart was far from committed or faithful to the Word of God.

Once I graduated high school, I began to approach life as a free-thinking, free-spirited adult. That thought pattern did not include God. I began to find my self-worth in the opinion of men which quickly led into self-doubt, insecurities, anger, and loneliness. My sorry attempt to fill a void had failed continually. After a while, that void snowballed into severe anxiety, depression, and even suicidal thoughts.

From that point, I convinced myself that I could pull myself out of this hole by my own will-power and thus began the pursuit of happiness. During this time, I was seeking instant gratification through a new appearance and wardrobe, thrilling adventures, new jobs, short-lived relationships – again, attempting to fill a void. Some of these things produced temporary happiness but I was still missing a sense of purpose. One failed attempt after another, I started realizing that I couldn’t do this without God.

By the grace of God, I began to develop a respect for Him in this low point. I didn’t pray often but I had one that I stuck with: “Lord, I want to know you better. Find me a church home. Amen.”

After a year of inconsistency and disappointment, I happened to befriend a coworker who was pursuing a pastoral degree. He asked if I attended church and I said “no, but I am a Christian.” In which he replied, “great, come check out my church!” I quickly explained that I didn’t need to go to church because I had my own personal relationship with God and that wasn’t anybody else’s business.

Over time, I watched his actions. I watched how he responded to frustrating or critical situations. He always exuded a joyful light, even in the heat of a moment. I remember saying to myself, “he has something that I don’t have. How is he so happy all the time? How can I be like that?’ This led to the decision in agreeing to attend his church.

I wasn’t expecting much, seeing that I had attended many different churches and heard hundreds of sermons over the years and none of them seemed to have cut it for me. This particular Sunday was different. The pastor starts out the sermon focusing on the passage Mark 10:17-22. He explains that a young rich man comes to Jesus asking Him what he must do to inherit eternal life and Jesus replies that he must give up his riches and follow him. The pastor continues that its not particularly about giving up all your money but giving up everything that holds you back from Jesus. It’s trusting your life with and giving your life over to the One who sacrificed His life and suffered in our place to grant eternal life when we deserve eternal suffering.

It wasn’t that this sermon was far better articulated or made any more sense than the ones that I had previously heard. It was that the Holy Spirit was working within my heart to understand the Gospel in a way that I never had before. It was in that moment, that I committed to spending the rest of my life following Jesus and fighting to turn away from anything that would offend Him and repenting when I fall short. And I can confidently confirm that my current church home is the answer to the prayer I prayed time and time again.

I’ve come to realize, there is a difference in acknowledging God, respecting God and committing my entire life to the sovereign God of the universe who is worthy of constant praise.